You know, if I were to have a disstrack as scathing as Nasir Jones' "Ether" aimed my way, I'd probably weigh a few options up to bounce back from it. One option would be: write a calculated diss track back, one that dismantles any visible flaws with the Nas record (there are a couple, believe it or not), and continue to push the points I made on my original disstrack "Takeover". Another option would be to simply ignore the beef, and continue to make great music, something anyone who released The Blueprint just a few months prior should be able to pull off. Take the loss like a man, thereby actually taking a win of sorts, meanwhile maintaining relevance in the genre. Either of these would be viable, and back in the early 2000s I would have had all the time in the world to do either of these things (obviously nowadays that could never fly - no response in a few weeks and you're out). And then, there are some options which could be chosen, but really only an idiot would head for. Like, I don't know, making a shitty album with an R&B artist aiming purely for radio play, or releasing a weak, rushed diss that was just mean but not clever in any way. I mean, who the hell would do that?
Jay-Z, that's who.
Today's post discusses the former of the two options that Hov confronted head on - I think the less that's said about "Supa Ugly", the better, to be honest. Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to head straight to the next solo album in Jay's catalogue and forget about this album too, I have so far been writing all the reviews on this blog in order of the artist's discography, and his effort with a mr. Robert Kelly The Best Of Both Worlds does sadly count as a key part of the Jay-Z catalogue. That's right, a collaborative album with R. Kelly. Fuck.
So, how did this album come to be in the first place? Well, Jay and Kelly's friendship had actually been bubbling for quite a few years prior to the release of this album - it's a little-known fact that back in 1996, the pair teamed up for "All Of My Days" alongside Changing Faces, a song that appeared on the Space Jam soundtrack. R. Kelly then included a posse cut on his 1998 studio album R. entitled "We Ride", that included verses from Hov, as well as Cam'ron, Noreaga and Vegas Cats. It wasn't until 2000, however, that the pair really started to show their working relationship off. Firstly, Hov showed up on a remix to the R. Kelly song "Fiesta", and a couple of months later Kells returned the favour with an appearance on Hov's song "Guilty Until Proven Innocent". I won't lie and claim I've ever bothered to check out the former, but the latter, that appeared on Jay's 2000 studio album The Dynasty: Roc La Familia (and has therefore been covered on here before), is a song that I actually enjoy quite a bit, despite the fact that it's aged as well as a beached whale on a plane of hot sand. And after Jay's triumphant 2001 that unfortunately for him kind of ended in tears, the pair decided that the best thing to do to forget Jay's beef issues was to record an album together as quickly as possible, and fill it to the brim with radio-friendly cuts for the ladies. Forget the soulful songs about his past and hardcore bangers for the streets - this was Jay-Z at his most fucking commercial, and as such the album was received as well as a bucket of liquid nitrogen to the face. Everyone hated the shit out of this album, and it isn't worth even trying to pretend that I'm not included in that.
The album sucks, people.
(And, no, I haven't listened to Unfinished Business - please let me know if that one's worth listening to.)
But really, the question is: why? Why is this album so bad? What within it is good, if anything? Let's dive into it, and hope my write-up can be a more enjoyable piece of work than the actual album I'm discussing.
Also,
FUCK R. KELLY.
1. The Best Of Both Worlds (prod. Megahertz)
Over some triumphant production from Megahertz that actually sounds quite nice, in an expensive and grand sort of way, Jay and Kelly introduce themselves, and, uhhh... it isn't that great. Sure, the beat's good, and I like how Jay actually addresses the song "Ether" on his verse at the end, but on the other hand, the constant breaking up of Hov's rapping by Kelly's repetition of the hook gets old fast, and it isn't until the very end of the song that we actually get a verse from Jay that's more than two bars long. R. Kelly also gets a solo break in the middle somewhere, and the less said about that, the better. I also find it funny how Jay proclaims in the intro "it's here, niggas", as if anyone actually had hype about this album, and thought it would be good in the first place. I mean, a song here and there, sure, but surely no-one thought this whole thing was going to be a good experience. Surely.
2. Take You Home With Me A.K.A. Body (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
3. Break Up To Make Up (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
Despite the instrumental on this one sounding a little bit better than that on the last track, this one still ends up managing to be actually worse than that song as a whole - how the fuck they managed that I don't know. Jay-Z's verses really just sound phoned in, the beat gets very, very drab after a short while, and if you're looking for a nice and pleasant bit of singing, you're better served holding a screaming baby next to your earhole than listening to this chorus. "You and me having sex after an argument, that shit's the best" might be the worst and most cringe-inducing thing anyone has ever said on record. This shit sucks.
4. It Ain't Personal (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
Surprisingly it's taken until track 4 for R. Kelly to come up with a melody I actually want to sing along to - I've got to admit that the delivery of the line "'cause this is business, it ain't personal" is pretty damn smooth. Also, I don't know how the exact people that came up with the last two beats also made this one, as this instrumental is chilled out and vibey, and it's actually really damn good. Sure, it doesn't match up with what we heard on The Blueprint, but I still enjoy it quite a bit. Unfortunately, that's where the positivity ends - Shawn Carter has yet to properly sober up, and as such delivers two half-assed and dull verses, and everything else R. Kelly does besides the aforementioned line is really just not interesting. I don't know why they felt the need to get an R. Kelly verse on all these songs, thereby making the whole album far more about him than Hov. If it had been strictly Jay on the verses and Robert on the hooks, maybe this album would have turned out better. Probably not by much, but still.
5. The Streets (prod. R. Kelly)
Now this is the reason why you should go through these generally despised records by great artists at least once - because amongst the bullshit stuff like this song exists that is actually dope, but is simply lumped together with the rest of the rubbish. This track isn't exactly the greatest thing of all time, but if you're OK with streaming the disgusting human that is R. Kelly, then this one is probably worth adding to your Jay-Z playlist. Kelly apparently manages to work better behind the boards without the help of the Trackmasters, delivering an instrumental here that's actually pretty interesting and powerful in my opinion, as well as a hook that really works. Jay-Z meanwhile delivers his first truly great performances, with two verses that end up telling a story in a slightly odd order, that ends up in him going to prison. The general message: if you can avoid it, stay away from a life of crime. My only gripe would be that R. Kelly gets two verses too which really weren't needed, but otherwise this one is actually pretty great.
6. Green Light (feat. Beanie Sigel) (prod. R. Kelly, co-prod. Tone)
And just like that, it all goes back to shit. R. Kelly (with the help of one Trackmaster) cooks up an up-tempo instrumental that utilises a guitar riff, and the results are about as unpleasant as one might expect. R. Kelly takes up most of this one with his incredibly goofy chorus and utterly hilarious verse where he attempts to do some kind of double time flow, but then slows down for an unbelievably awkward "it's about to be some shit". I mean, did anyone else catch that? Jay and guest star Beans - you didn't think Jay had left his sidekick in the dust after The Blueprint, did you? - are both crammed together in the second verse, and don't really contribute much of worth anyway, but by that point you'll have probably all but given up on this one. Shame.
7. Naked (prod. R. Kelly)
Apparently unsatisfied with assaulting a few underage girls, R. Kelly decides to take it upon himself to do the same with the listening audience on this miserable trite. I really can't bring myself to give a fuck about this R. Kelly solo, but I will admit that the "baby tonight, I wanna see you naked" at the end had a pleasant melody that sounded like it would have ended some album on a poignant note - that's the melody, not the lyrics, that I'm talking about there. Unfortunately, R. takes it upon himself to moan over these smooth vocals loudly and obnoxiously, thereby rendering even that part null and void. What a piece of shit this song - and, let's be honest, the man - is.
8. Shake Ya Body (feat. Lil' Kim) (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
You know, when first going through this album a few years ago, I probably thought that it couldn't get any worse than tracks two and three (I say probably because I can't actually remember my first listen of this album - I think I probably fell asleep). So you can imagine my surprise when we got to this track. Oh my, is it bad. The production on this song is fairly slow and also unbelievably irritating, but not as irritating as the hook, where Lil' Kim comes across less sexy and more like someone you want to punch in the face repeatedly for being such a fucking stuck up nuisance. R. Kelly handles the first two verses, or should I say mishandles, Jay-Z comes with a verse that sounds like it was freestyled right after a couple of hours in the strip club, and Lil' Kim's verse is also pretty terrible besides the Ice Cube and Onyx references, which were mildly intriguing. As a whole, this was horrible.
9. Somebody's Girl (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
Even though it's not particularly good, this is more in line with what I wanted to hear on this album, that being a fairly club bangin' beat, a catchy hook, and Jay-Z holding down all of the verses. This instrumental is fairly groovy and entertaining, the melodies on the hook are nice, and Jay-Z delivers some alright verses about stealing my girlfriend that are pretty much par for the course on a mainstream rap album. The delivery of "I'ma crack her motherfucking forehead" was also pretty hilarious. The problem is that in Hov's vast catalogue, you're not ever really going to want to come back to this song - it just isn't very interesting. It's sad, therefore, that this is easily one of the better tracks here.
10. Get This Money (prod. R. Kelly, co-prod. Tone)
11. Shorty (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
The only, I repeat, ONLY, interesting moment in this one is when R. Kelly refers to Jay as "the dizel", which just is funny to me - like, what the fuck is a "dizel"? Everything else is shite. The instrumental on this one just comes across as creepy and sinister, which probably wasn't the mood they were going for, but sadly does appear apt in the face of what we now know about R. Kelly. Meanwhile, the vocals on this one are all just rubbish - I mean, a beef between R. Kelly and Sisqò has to be the saddest thing I've ever heard about. You almost forget Jay-Z is even on this one, which is probably a good thing for his reputation to be honest. This shit is horrible.
12. Honey (prod. Poke and Tone (The Trackmasters) & R. Kelly)
13. Pussy (feat. Devin the Dude) (prod. Charlemagne)
After having production throughout from Trackmasters and R. Kelly (besides the opening track), one would think it would be a breath of fresh air to hear a different producer finally contribute, but unfortunately Charlemagne's work on the final song here is completely lacking in energy and enjoyment. This beat is weak, but the chorus is weaker, being one of the most annoying on the album, and surprisingly the only one handled by Hov rather than R. Kelly. Jay's performance on here isn't great, and R. Kelly's is worse, but I will say that Devin the Dude bought a fairly hilarious verse - does that guy ever talk about something that isn't sex, though? Nonetheless, his verse here was good - it doesn't do nearly enough to save the song however. An underwhelming closer to an even more underwhelming album.
Sigh... I hadn't listened to this album in over a year, and so going back into it I wasn't sure if I would like it more or less. It's safe to say that the more mature and more observant me headed for the latter, and it wasn't as if I enjoyed it much back then either. Yes, not everything on this album is straight up godawful, but I can honestly say only one of these songs actually works as a whole, that being "The Streets", and everything else is either forgettable, heavily flawed thereby taking away from the positive elements, or just straight up crap, and it's surprising how many songs fall into that third category. Production-wise, nothing stands out about this. Aside from the intro and outro, every single song is done by The Trackmasters and R. Kelly himself in some way, whether it be all three men, two of them, or just one, and these guys really just can't make an engaging instrumental to save their lives. The beats that actually did work would be "It Ain't Personal", "The Streets" and "Somebody's Girl", and aside from that we had beats that were either cheap as hell or just simply boring. As for the other two beats, Megahertz provided something fairly nice for the opening track, but Charlemagne disappointed on the outro. And now, we come to the vocalists. There are three features - one was horrible, one was completely unnecessary and added nothing, and one was actually pretty fun. See if you can guess which one's which. Aside from them, the vocals are all covered by Jay-Z and R. Kelly. Yay. I'm sorry to the Hova fans reading, and rest assured that I'm also a massive fan of the guy, but Jay does not deliver on this album at all - in fact, he sounds pretty bored on over half of this, seeming to phone in, freestyle or simply half-ass most of his performances here. Yes, he has some great efforts, but most of the time I'm really not impressed by his work on this album. And as for R. Kelly, he provides a few good melodies, and then completely fucks everything else up, with the majority of his singing being uninspired, stupid, cringe-inducing and very generic and flat, all of which should not be factors attributed with the so-called king of R&B. So, to sum up, it's bad production, bad features, and bad performances on the part of the hosts. The only redeeming feature is that it does not contain the worst Jay-Z song - that honour remains with "Things That U Do". Should you listen to this? I'll let you work that one out for yo' motherfuckin' self.
Best Tracks: The Streets
Worst Tracks: most of everything else, although "It Ain't Personal" and "Somebody's Girl" weren't too bad. "Shake Ya Body" is the absolute worst, though.
Catch up on other Hova reviews here - they're much more positive, I promise!
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