In early 2005, Kansas City rapper Tech N9ne was touring, trying to maintain the hype for his upcoming album, which was by this point three years in the making, and well overdue for release. While Vintage Tech (a compilation of old music he put out) had managed to feed the fans somewhat, the man needed to cook up something fast to release as all new music, before his followers started to become agitated at the lack of new shit (if only some of today's artists had this much care for their supporters, *cough, cough* A$AP Rocky, *cough*).
Picture the scene. Tech and his four buddies are alone in the tour bus, drinkin' and smokin' and... well, maybe not humpin' (that would be weird), when suddenly it hits a patch of ice, flies off the road, and begins to roll. After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, the vehicle finally comes to a rest far off to the side of the highway - with what should have been five severely injured or even dead men inside. But miraculously, they all survived without so much as a scratch. And beyond a near death experience, Tech became inspired to devote himself even further to the party life and having a good time - his ambitions were now to live life to the fullest, and his new music needed to reflect this.
He began to retool parts of the new album, and it took a while - possibly delayed even further by Strange Music splitting with MSC, distributor of all their albums between 2002 and 2005, meaning they had to seek refuge in different companies (RBC and Fontana Distribution to be exact). It wasn't until late 2006 that it all came together, but when it did, and Tech was finally able to gift his fans the project they'd so long been waiting for, he didn't miss a beat. The album, named, oddly, after a battery company, was praised like a God on release, with all of his fans claiming it his best work yet. It had party music, sure, but it also had some of his more personal tracks yet, and the new direction in production also had the fans loving what Tech was up to.
But does it hold up 20 years later? And coming from a fan who adores to death Anghellic and Absolute Power, is it that good? Let me take a look.
God it feels like a while since I did one of these.
1. Enter Everready
Aaron sets things off with a dramatic but generally very entertaining skit detailing the car crash that him and his homies had that I considerately detailed earlier. Yes, it's a rap album intro, but at least it isn't a fucking boring one.
B.L.E.S.T.
2. Riot Maker (feat. Skatterman & Snug Brim) (prod. Robert Rebeck, Tech N9ne & Tyler Lyon)
While nu-metal is a genre usually dismissed by musical elitists (not that I claim to be one at all, lest I appear like a total bellend), there's no denying that this opening song fucking rocks. Tech N9ne and his housekeepers Skatterman and Snug Brim (who would later fall out with Tech over issues with their promotion, or rather lack of it, in a story for another day) spit dope shit over a heavy metal inspired instrumental, preceded by a creepy and tense build up that's bookended by one of the catchiest bridges of Tech's entire career - "we gon' start this shit off right / we got KCMO in the house tonight" he chants as the guitars plunge in. That part is so good it makes the actual chorus seem fairly anticlimactic in comparison. Tech's verses on here are wonderful, especially the one about getting sued after some "bitch" cracked her head open in a mosh pit at one of his shows - and it's in this verse where Tech exhibits an ability to show no remorse about this incident, which further emphasises his image as a no-fucks-given independent rapper. By the time Skatterman pops up, you're already sold on this anthem. Incredible way to start the album.
Enjoy
3. No Can Do (feat. Big Krizz Kaliko) (prod. Rick Rock)
Just in case the odd listener was thrown off by the previous track as the opener, "No Can Do" is a more easily digestible affair for your average hip-hop head - not that your average hip-hop head is necessarily a Tech N9ne fan (didn't I write that before in a previous review?). Tech's first verse is your standard shit talking, but he does raise an interesting diss towards Patrick Grant, who tried to sue Tech for using the name "Strange Music" - an interesting little Tech fact that I'm sure many haven't heard about (Tech's issues with the industry were so many back then that a lot fly under the radar). Personally, I was more phased by the Busta Rhymes shout-out during Krizz's verse, one of the first the man actually performed on a Tech record. While I like this song, and it has a fun energy to it, I find that it's indicative of why I don't enjoy this record quite as much as some others by Tech - it's just too one-dimensional, and often lacks depth. The production here is good, but not what I'd characterise as "strange", and the lyrics consists of boasting and the occasional name-drop, which is fine - but when there are a few other tracks here that are similar to this but with better beats and hooks, this one gets swept under the rug. Seriously, I don't think this is making anyone's top 50 Tech songs list. Still, it's a fun one nonetheless.
4. Welcome to the Midwest (feat. Big Krizz Kaliko) (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
Tech delivers another ode to his hometown on this one, depicting the Mid-West as some kind of apocalyptic wasteland where staying inside is your best option. I mean, is Kansas City really the place where "killers keep it cracking"? I mean, I've never been there, but I'm pretty sure it ain't no Compton. Still, I like how much more thematic this track is than the last two, and Tech and Krizz bounce off each other very well in the back-and-forth third verse - the latter really showcasing a talent that would make his later solo work pretty damn solid too. The Frank Sinatra sounding chorus (correction: it actually apes Dean Martin's "Sway") is pretty out of left field, but sounds good, and the flows displayed on this song are some of the most ferocious on the entire LP. This track is fucking sick.
5. Bout Ta' Bubble (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
6. It's What You Thinkin' (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
This is the sort of song that people who are already really into Tech's style will love, and those who are skeptically checking out his music for the first time will fucking hate. The track does feel like a mid-2000s Tech N9ne party song, with a pretty nice beat that is bass heavy and feels celebratory yet dark, some fucking awesome flows and delivery, and a catchy chorus that's unfortunately delivered in a really goofy fashion - but the subject matter here is so played out and uninteresting ("your wife comes to my shows to fuck me and you're gettin' none, HA! Cha!"), and the sound of the track so mid-2000s, that your average Tyler, the Creator fan will probably look at you in disgust, before throwing your boom box out of the window. Personally, I think it's okay - but it's no "Einstein Tech N9ne", that's for sure.
7. Night and Day (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
Sounds pretty similar to the previous song, only this time there's less emphasis on bangin' your bitch, with the song focusing on all aspects of Tech's parties in equal measure instead. The song is occasionally derailed by the fucking weird hook, with its creepy operatic vocals and all, but thankfully the intense instrumental and Tech's flows keep the verses sounding pretty nice. There's also a reference in here to the style of "Funkra", a "genre" Tech N9ne claims Krizz Kaliko made up all on his own. Ironically, this shit sounds exactly like half of the Southern hip-hop on the radio in 2006.
T.E.C.H. Radio
8. Jellysickle (feat. E-40) (prod. Rick Rock)
I'm sure many of the hip-hop heads who picked this album up in 2006, excited about this rising underground star (yes this album wasn't as successful as Tech hoped, but it still cracked the top 50 on Billboard, meaning it must have done some numbers), gravitated to this track first, as it features Bay Area legend E-40, easily the most famous guest star on this LP (although Rick Rock's production credit on this track and a few others would also have drawn attention I'm sure). What they would find is, however, one of the weirdest songs on the entire album. The instrumental on here feels like circus clown music crossed with a Jelly Roll beat (the West Coast producer, not that fat white rapper everyone seems to know these days), and the whole concept of the song surrounds a word that Tech completely made up - not that that's unusual in the man's discography. Still, I kind of like this despite it's often ridiculous sound - Tech sounds good, the chorus is catchy, the beat is fun, and goddamn does E-40 pop off during his verse. This track definitely isn't one to be missed.
9. Caribou Lou (prod. Rune Rask & Troo.L.S.)
The album's biggest hit, and arguably Tech's signature song, is this club-ready affair that is home to one of the most bangin' beats on the entire album, as well as some pretty hilarious bars from Yates about partying, and attempting not to shit everywhere whilst doing so. In case someone new to Tech is reading this review, a "Caribou Lou" is the man's signature drink, something that would later result in him being sued by the makers of caribou coffee - that's a story for another day. And while this song is one that I might have overplayed a bit, I still find lots of enjoyment in it today. It's without doubt an absolute banger.
10. Hood Connection, Strange Commercial (prod. RUBONYX, add-prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
Jesus this man can be cringe sometimes. There have been funny skits on Tech albums before, but unfortunately this is not one of them. What a shame.
11. My Wife, My Bitch, My Girl (prod. Rick Rock)
The first true misfire from the N9ne comes in the form of this monstrosity of a song, where the man tries his best to maintain the loyalty of his audience whilst rapping about his pride in serial infidelity. I'm almost glad that the instrumental here is so fucking godawful - imagine if he'd used a good beat to rap about this subject matter. This song is abrasive, messy, and misogynistic - and furthermore, it's truly awful. One of the worst songs from Tech's golden era run.
12. Flash (prod. Rune Rask & Troo.L.S.)
I mean, I guess this is definitely an improvement over the last song - but that doesn't mean I'm exactly in love with it. The same guys who cooked up the "Caribou Lou" beat try their hand at something a little more sensual here, and the groove of it is pretty nice - unfortunately Tech proves that he's incapable of subtlety here by devoting all of his verses to his pleasure in watching all the women at his concerts take their bras of - hence the title of the song. This song is definitely sonically better than the previous one, but lyrically it's no less ignorant - and while you could argue some of the stuff on Absolute Power was ignorant too, at least it was inventive and sounded unique. This song just sounds boring. What a shame. Again.
Your Descent
13. Come Gangsta (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
I guess Tech finally remembered that he's supposed to be making "Strange Music", and so as the first song in "Your Descent", we get something far more experimental than what we've been hearing on the last few tracks. "Come Gangsta" is a song about how Tech feels like he isn't getting the props he should because his image doesn't fit that of a typical gangsta, and the song stands out in the man's storied catalogue for having a dramatic, almost operatic sound throughout, one that compliments Tech's aggressive demeanour on the track to no end - this is seriously one of the best cuts on the entire album. Tech N9ne's lyrics, flows, and even singing on this song are straight perfection, with the chorus being catchy as hell too, and the whole song carries this ominous feeling, until we hit the third verse, where Tech lets all of his rage at the industry out in a burst of energy. This entire track is a rollercoaster of emotions, but the incredible production and Tech's powerful performance make it an entertaining and objectively fucking great adventure. This is a truly phenomenal song.
14. The Melancholy Maze & My World Intro
One of my favourite skits on any Tech album ever. It's a real shame the creativity of the interludes on this LP (okay, maybe not "Hood Connection") didn't carry into the monotonous ones littering his later LPs. This shit is entertaining as fuck, and even incorporates a little verse too. Nice stuff.
15. My World (feat. Brotha Lynch Hung & Dalima) (prod. The Legendary Traxter)
Where Tech's constant lyrics about sex, drugs, and haters meant the previous section of this album became kind of redundant, it seems that "Your Descent" has a far more interesting direction, lyrically and musically, which we can all be grateful for. And frankly, "My World" is one of the man's finest moments. Over a pulsating and intense instrumental from one of Twista's main producers, Tech and his guest stars spit hard bars and lightning flows, with dystopian and, perhaps inevitably, braggadocios content, that goes over incredibly well, although it's perhaps more the aforementioned flows that keep this track the incredible piece of music it is. Also, that chorus, one of the catchiest here. This is by no means Tech's most powerful or well-written song, but it sure is entertaining as hell, and sounds frankly fucking great. "Fight this phantom, your freakin' family will fall flat!" Brilliant stuff.
16. Running Out Of Time "ROOT" (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
I remember finding this one of the more forgettable songs on the album, but you know what I actually enjoyed it quite a lot this time around. I think the hook is terrible, sure, with Krizz Kaliko's weird vocal quirks and the robotic female singing creating a miserable marriage of sounds - but Tech's verses? Really fucking good, especially in the second, when he really speeds his flows up in a way that almost reminded me of the first verse of "This Ring". The lyrics about needing that dough quickly are pretty interesting too, and Seven's beat is a nice mix of dark without being corny at all. This isn't the best track on the album, but it could be a lot worse. Also, that title is really funny for some reason.
17. The Rain (feat. Alyia & Reign Yates) (prod. Robert "Polyhedron" Young)
The second true emotional high of the record, and while "Come Gangsta" was Tech's anger, this song is themed around his sadness and regrets, and even if it is a little cheesy, it still is a little tear jerking at times. The song, like "This Ring" from Anghellic, discusses Tech's issues with maintaining a fan base and touring all the time, whilst trying to maintain his family too, and how this is starting to fall apart. It's pretty said, especially when he gets his daughters to rap the second verse for him - and while Tech's style isn't really suited to this soppy stuff (his most heart-wrenching work is the far darker "Trapped In a Psycho's Body" for my money), I do think this track is pretty well done. Also, the vocal sample used here is absolutely beautiful. Who new something taken from an Anime called "Cowboy Bebop" could sound so good?
Welcome Back/Party Hard
18. Fuck 'em Girl (feat. Big Krizz Kaliko & Kutt Calhoun) (prod. Michael "Seven" Summers)
I don't think even Tech's biggest fans would be annoyed if I were to say this song sucks - this is widely regarded as the major dud on this album, and yeah... it's pretty weak. Tech and his employees of the month attempt to earn the forgiveness of the ladies after some of the incredibly misogynistic music we heard earlier on, by attempting a sort of feminist anthem, and my God does it ring hollow. Nothing about this track fits on the album, and while I do appreciate the sentiment, the credibility of these gentlemen is at an all time low, especially Tech, following stuff like "My Wife, My Bitch, My Girl" (which, by the way, is actually a worse song than this). Also, this beat just doesn't work, even if it does seem to have more effort put into it than the verses on here. A misstep - but without missteps, would we really be able to appreciate the good stuff? Yeah, probably.
19. The Beast (prod. Da Riffs)
A minor hit for Tech, that has managed to ascend its way into his top ten songs on Spotify, alongside another Everready track, "Caribou Lou". It's no wonder, as this song is highly catchy and actually quite danceable - as well as being highly energetic, a trait completely missing from the very flat and uninteresting previous song, it manages to feel like something that might get played on the radio, which makes me wonder why Tech didn't choose this as the album's lead single over the skeletal "'Bout ta' Bubble". While this track isn't one of my favourites on this album, I do appreciate it's intent - and as vulgar and lyrically generic as this is at times, it is definitely fun. Overall, I like this track a lot.
20. This Is Me (prod. Official Productions)
Looks like we have a new winner for the "most uninspired producer name of all time" award. Thankfully, the guy's actual production work is a little more well thought out, as the beat on here is actually dope as hell. The sound effects in this instrumental are weird but wonderful, and the way everything comes together makes for a sound that truly feels like we're ending the album. Meanwhile, Tech decides that he's done partying hard for now, and instead devotes the lyrics here to explaining why he is the way he is, while also comparing himself to other artists who were more popular at the time. Also, the chorus on here is actually pretty good, something I'd given up on by this point, so that was nice. Overall, a solid way to end the album. I like this one a lot.
Goodbye
I do hope I don't rile up any Tech fans here but... Everready [The Religion] is not only nowhere near a classic, but it also isn't close to Tech's best album. In my opinion at least. It's very good, and I do enjoy it... but seriously, this thing has multiple issues we can get into that prevent it from being the masterpiece it is sometimes hailed as. I mean, for starters, there's a serious issue with the hooks on this album. Why are they all so repetitive, overdramatic, and quite frankly, not catchy? I mean, sure, some of them are pretty fun, but while Krizz Kaliko has proven himself in many cases to be a good vocalist, he just keeps singing in these weird accents, and teaming up with these robotic sounding female vocalists, to make for incredibly off choruses, which sometimes feel like Tech has thrown them in so the track as a whole will feel a bit weirder - like the one on "Night and Day" for example, or even "Jellysickle". On the other hand, the one on "Fuck 'em Girl" feels like a placeholder that they forgot to change when mastering the album. And another thing - there are way more generally weak songs here than on his previous two major albums (not counting the compilations I reviewed). I mean, did Tech really think that mastering, mixing, and eventually releasing the terrible "My Wife, My Bitch, My Girl" was a good idea? Hell, how did Rick Rock let someone else hear that beat in the first place? Awful! And also, while I appreciate why Tech wanted to make party music, I do find some of the songs in the first half of this album, especially from "It's What You Thinkin'" up to "Flash", do start to blend together, and begin to sound very similar. Not bad necessarily - just similar.
But enough with the bad - because as I said before, I still do think this album is good. Tech has a knack for making extremely good songs to get hype to, and on here it's no different. "Riot Maker", "'Bout ta Bubble" and "Come Gangsta" are some of his best loud, aggressive tracks ever - and "The Beast" takes that and spins it into one of the best party cuts here too. And when Tech isn't writing about the same ol' shit again and again, he can do really well, and this is especially true in the "Your Descent" portion of the album, which contains some of the most enjoyable and replayable music on this LP. Hell, "My World" might be one of his best songs ever. Oh, and while I did criticise some of the party songs, there's no denying that "Caribou Lou" is catchy as fuck, and a great, fun club banger, with a legitimately brilliant hook. If Tech had spent a little more time with working this album to perfection, or perhaps even just cut out a little bit of the fluff, this could have been an all time great record - it's just that for me, it is a little repetitive and in-your-face at times. The album is solid overall. But hey - who cares about my opinion. There's a million Tech fans that will probably tell you this is the best album of all time, and maybe they're right. Still, thanks for reading anyway.
Best Tracks: Riot Maker, Welcome to the Midwest, Bout ta' Bubble, Caribou Lou, Come Gangsta, My World, This Is Me
Worst Tracks: My Wife My Bitch My Girl, Fuck 'em Girl
